Putting it Aside

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Something that I get asked a lot is how I can stand working in the field that I work in.  The reason, I believe that I get asked that a lot is because when someone thinks of family law or divorce, they usually pair that with a traumatic, combative experience with two people at each other's throats. 

And, truth be told, there is a decent amount of b.s. at work.   People fight over the stupidest things.  But the worst, obviously, are the couples that cannot see through their own b.s. to be able to think of what is in the best interests of their child/children.  I'm not going to lie, sometimes the negativity can be downright draining.  You get almost jaded after a while of hearing the same he said/she said story over and over again.  

But, the reason that I knew that I wanted to pursue family law upon getting my paralegal certification was that I really wanted to help people.  I come from a divorced family.  Granted, I was an adult when my parents got divorced, but I can relate to a lot of what divorcees and their kids go through.  I had been through two break ups with kids myself.  I knew it was a hard time.  

But you know what else you find in the midst of warzones?  Peace and understanding.  In addition to the name calling and the grudge holding, we have a lot of couples who are amazingly civil.  They bring each other coffee, they ask how vacation was, they laugh together, they help one another pack.  They can sit down at a table, put their differences and relationship issues aside and have  genuine and meaningful compromise, solution and discussion about their children.  

I say this because I have something I am going to share with you all.  The father of my two younger children and I . . . do not get along.  The details I'm not going to share, not at this time anyway.  But basically we broke up three or four years ago and have pretty much been in Court for two of those years.  I'm not saying that I have been perfect, but I am going to say that I have forever wanted the latter scenario for my children.  Always.  It has been absolutely heartbreaking to me to be unable to give this sense of security to them. 

The reason that I bring this up is because we had to go to Court today for a status conference (i.e. not a big deal, no Judge or anything).  But what was great about this was that we unexpectedly came to an agreement and were actually able to compromise on several issues.  I don't like my ex, he doesn't like me.  But being able to put aside petty ridiculousness and focus on what was best for the kids is just the greatest feeling. 

For those of you who have gone through this stuff, or who knows someone that is going through this stuff, take this advice from me.  One of the first attorneys that I ever worked from told me once that you should start every sentence and thought that you have about your divorce with the words "the kids".  This allows you to direct your focus to what really matters.  I have followed this advice and it is amazing.  

The point of all this is, there are some things in life that you can control.  You can always control yourself and your actions.  You must always take responsibility for yourself and your actions.  But there comes a time when you also have to put into perspective what matters and what doesn't and when it is time to just let go and move on.  While I am a bit cynical, I am also trying to continue with NYR #10 and stay with positive that this could be the start of the best rest of my kids' lives.  After all, it is such a much better feeling to get along than to fight. 

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