Lazy Days

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

As a mom, it is extremely hard to be selfish.  It feels almost unnatural to not be there for everything and everyone.  You find yourself double-booking, back to back activities and just exhausting every bit of your being.

Not to get all suburban mom on you or anything, but seriously, I am always on the go.  I work full time, Monday through Friday from 8:30-4:30 with no designated "lunch break" (they let me go grab a dollar menu lunch, but it's not like an hour to sit and relax or anything) and a half hour commute each way.

I also have three kids.  This means three other people to take care of by way of cooking, cleaning, homework, tutoring, sport practices and games, transportation and alllllllll of that.

Don't get me wrong.  I'm not trying to sit and complain.  I do have a point, I promise.  I love my life and I love my kids and I love my job.  But sometimes, mama needs a break!

As you might remember, I went to Pat's race last weekend.  He races every Saturday night during the season.  I have been very good (I feel) about going to these races to support him provided that I don't have a budget/scheduling/kid activity conflict.  Today, though, I have no "excuse".  Yes, money is tight and yes, Kaden had a football game from ten this morning until about two this afternoon.  I probably could have gone, but I opted not to.  

The truth is, I love Patrick and I am glad that he has hobbies and interests, even if I don't share those hobbies and interests with him.  Going to the races is PURELY to support him.  They offer me no other enjoyment whatsoever.  So, today I told him that I was not going to go.  I know he is disappointed, but I just need to take some me time.

So here I sit on a Saturday afternoon, with no excuses as to why I can't be at the race.  I have no obligations, I have only Kaden here (who at ten years old is not much "work"), I have no where to be and nothing that immediately needs done.  I have no friends to see, no commitments to uphold, no projects to work on.  I may just end up sitting on my ass for the entirety of the day.  And I feel horrible about it.  Why do I feel so badly taking time for myself?  Why do I feel so selfish and unsupportive?   I don't know.  Probably because as a mom (and for most of my years, a single mom), I am so used to putting everyone else first and having a full agenda all the time that this just feels . . . strange.  It is uncharted territory to be able to think that I could take a bath or flip through an ENTIRE magazine or take a nap.  I feel badly for not going to the race.  But you know what?  I think after a few SATC episodes and a quiet sun-soaked magazine indulgence on the patio, I'll be over it.  ;-)

Crocheted Poncho-thrifted; Blue Polka Dot Tank-Jockey, gifted; Distressed Jeans-Mudd; Flats-Macy's; Butterfly Bracelet-Four Corners; Earrings-gifted and DIY; Necklace-gifted